Eulogy

The following is the hesped (eulogy) that I gave at the stone setting.

The words on the matzeiva read:

פיה פתחה בחכמה ותורת חסד על לשונה

She opens her mouth with wisdom, 

and a lesson of kindness is on her tongue

It is customary to deliver a hesped about the nifteres...

We forget what we are and where we’ve come from.

We forget that we do not have a neshomo; we ARE neshomos. We are neshomos that Hashem puts into these flesh and blood bodies in order to be fixed and accumulate our eternal reward.

We come down here to do a job. When it has been completed, we go back to Shomayim. But this world is filled full of distractions and pitfalls that interfere with our attempts to be true to our pure neshomos.

So how do we know if we’re on target? If we’re doing it right?

In Pirkei Avot (3:13) it says:

כל שרוח הבריות נוחה הימנו, רוח המקום נוחה הימנו

One who is pleasing to his fellow men, is pleasing to G-d.

The answer is surprisingly simple: If G-d likes what you’re doing, then you’re doing it right!

It also says in Pirkei Avot (1:15)

 מקבל את כל האדם בסבר פנים יפות

Receive everyone with a cheerful face

My darling Breina Mariasa, whoever came into contact with you was warmed by your beautiful smile, your listening ears and your wise words. And when you smiled, it wasn’t only with your lips but also with your eyes.

One of the greatest challenges a person faces in this world is observing the many laws of Loshon Hara, Motzei Shem Ra, Onas Devarim, Divrei Sheker and Rechilas. But you fulfilled those laws impeccably. Over the years we never heard a bad word said by you – neither about anyone or any thing.

You only saw the good in people and in things, which is why you could not tolerate negativity and you were always so positive. It’s not surprising that nobody ever said a bad word about you.

The Chafetz Chaim claims that all the episodes in the Torah concerning “lashon hara” – such as the spies and Miriam – were caused by a failure to observe the mitzvah of dan l’kaf zechut, giving the benefit of the doubt.

Giving the benefit of the doubt was your trademark, which you frequently expressed by saying about people:

"You have to know who you are dealing with..."

Allow me to elaborate: As many of you are aware, my wife established hair hygiene programmes in many of the local Jewish schools in London. Over the past twenty years she has dealt with thousands of children and hundreds of parents and I can attest that in all those years, not one person ever had cause to complain about the way my wife dealt with them! 

Barb always gave the benefit of the doubt, judging people favourably – as it says in Pirkei Avot (1:6),

 והוי דן את כל האדום לכף זכות

Judge everyone favourably

So it isn’t hard to see why you are so pleasing to G-d and why He took you back so young to daven for Klal Yisroel and for us at this most difficult time.

Where do we go from here?

Let’s go back to basics.

We Jews are “Believers”, the children of Believers.

There are different levels of belief.

Rabbi Noach Weinberg ztl of Aish Hatorah says that there are things that we know with “5 finger clarity” – that is to say, it’s as plain as the hand in front of your face.

According to the Rambam, there are 13 principles of our faith that we have to believe in completely as Jews.

For example, that G-d is One; He’s indivisible; without form and so on.

The 12^th principle is:

אני מאמין באמונה שלמה, בביאת המשיח

I believe with complete faith in the coming of the Moshiach

We don’t know when – precisely – he will come but we anticipate the Moshiach’s arrival any moment. The gedolim are unanimous in that his arrival is imminent.

The final, 13^th principle is:

אני מאמין באמונה שלמה, שתהיה תחית המתים

I believe with complete faith that there will be 

a resuscitation of the dead.

But what does that mean? 

We say it 5 times in the second paragraph of the Amidah, at least 3 times a day, 365 days a year! So, what, exactly, does the Almighty intend to do with the neshomos, like my wife’s, that have returned to Shomayim?

The 5 finger clarity answer is said every morning in the preliminary prayers that we say before davening:

ברוך אתה ד', המחזיר נשמות לפגרים מתים

Blessed are You, Hashem, Who restores neshomos to dead bodies

My darling, dearest beloved Breina Mariasa, my love, my heart, my Barb. When I first laid eyes on you, 31 years ago, you gave me your wonderful smile and I was yours from that moment.

I believe with complete faith that not only are you coming back very soon with Moshiach but when we, please G-d, meet again, the first thing you’ll do is greet me with your very special smile.

Ad bias HaMoshiach, my love.